Canada

I wasn't planning on blogging while in Canada but the thought of catching up once home is also really overwhemling and my mom's computer is uploading pictures at a surprisingly decent speed so i thought I might as well.
My mom was visiting in Utah for a few weeks and we decided it would be a good opportunity for us to come to Canada with her on her way home so that I wouldn't have to drive by myself.  We all crammed into her little car and made it safely home earlier than scheduled because my dad was in the hospital.  He got shingles-a very severe case and had to be hospitalized for a week.  We are extremely lucky that Daniel had decided to come home and check on him a week prior and was able to take him to the hospital otherwise we might not even have him anymore.  So we are very grateful to him for that.  My dad's whole one side of his face was swollen and very scarred-including his eye.  We went to visit him in the hospital but the nurses wouldn't let the girls into his room so we watched from the door which was a sad experience because my dad looked like a frail and very old and sick man.  The girls weren't scared and actually have never been scared of him which is such a blessing.  They chatted and sang songs though he couldn't actually hear anything they said.  He finally got to come home after a week but really was no better-very weak, still scarred, still had a swollen eye.  He has basically slept every minute except to eat, shower twice and go to the doctor since we brought him home.  He sleeps in bed, the moves to the couch, then sleeps more then gets up to go to bed.  The girls pounce on any chance that he has his eyes open to pepper him with questions-especially Allie.  She has made it her business to help him know what day it is so he can write it in his book when he checks his blood and this is helpful since he does not know what day it is, or what is happening or what we have told him from one awake moment to the next.  I am glad he is home.  We took him to the cancer clinic for his appointment which was not really helpful but I guess kinda.  They said that the cancer seems to be doing really well.  The lesions on his legs are gone which they never expected to happen.  They said all the things he is experiencing right now are due to the shingles and not the cancer. They said that once he heals from those he should actually be feeling good but that won't be for a while yet.  His face is improving drastically since he is letting my mom give him his medicine and creams much more.  Now we have to worry about the shingles spreading to his eye which can happen even 4 weeks later.  So basically he can't be left alone but he isn't able to do anything either.
I came home with my girls at this time because I was wanting to have quality time with my dad before he got worse.  Now we have not had a quality minute with him yet and probably won't in our time here.  This whole thing is really a rollercoaster.  Coming to grips with the fact that he is dying and then finding out the cancer is actually doing well so does that mean the worry about him dying can be put on the back burner for now???? The hardest part for me is the fact that my dad is not sentimental at all.  He told my mom quite a while ago that if he knew he was dying he wouldn't do anything differently and I believe him.  I wish he would.  I wish he wanted to make each day more important and more special.  The other hard thing is being far away from home and my husband, not having very many people to talk too, and trying to be a single mom, while worrying about my sick dad, while trying to be helpful to my own mom.  Plus Canada is soooooo far away from home and the process of getting here makes me want to do it as infrequently as possible so what does that mean for the future.  AHHHH-it's crazy.  But we are here for now and I am trying to make as many fun memories for the girls and spend more time doing things with them since I don't have many other responsibilities.  That has been a blessing.